Just English

I don't feel like writing this in Spanish. I want to write and speak in English right now. I'm depressed, a little. I have good times but there seems to be a negative sort of thing overshadowing stuff. I dunno exactly what happened, but I snapped last weekend. I just wanted a cigarette and to hit someone. This whole week I've had too many thoughts at night. I've also taken things more personal. Part of it is about a girl, of course. What I want and what I can have right now are two different things. I'm not scared of a relationship...but I must do what is best for the other 100 people that I am somewhat responsible for. Life with girls is much easier in the States. I don't have as many things and factors to deal with. Blah. I punched the back part of a weight lifting machine until it broke off...that helped me let out some steam. I'm looking forward to crawling out of my funk.

We share the pain/Compartimos el dolor

I've been talking to a lot of friends from home lately. I've finally had internet and the time to do so. I'm somewhat surprised by how similar my friends think like me. The things they struggle with. The wants that they have. The past that they have experienced. It seems that even our pain that we thought was secret, was somehow being shared by all of us. Perhaps it's just a normal human thing. Maybe everyone felt/feels like we do and can't seem to admit that could be true. Deep down in the minds of everyone and in the quite, do we all seem to share the same pains? Do we all long for pretty much the same things? YET, do we also somehow think that others couldn't possibly feel the way we do? I dunno...but I'm proud to have become who I am now. I've come through a lot of things. I think at an age a bit higher than what I am. Life has made me old, but it has not taken my smile.
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He estado hablando con muchos amigos de EEUU últimamente. Por fin he tenido Internet y el tiempo a hacerlo. Estoy un poco sorprendido por la similitud de mis amigos piensan como yo. Las cosas que luchar. Las necesidades que tienen. El pasado que experimentaron. Lo aparece que nuestros dolores que pensaban que estar secretos, era de alguna manera ser compartida por todos nosotros. Posible solo hay una cosa normal para gente. Tal vez cada persona sientó/siente como nosotros pero que no puede admitir que podría ser verdad. Muy bajo en los mentes do todos y en el silencio, es posible que todos comparten los dolores mismos? Queremos los cosas mismas? Y, tambien de alguna manera pensamos que otras no pueden sentir como nosotros? No se....pero estoy orgulloso de quien soy ahora. He llegado a través de un montón de cosas. Pienso a un edad mas mayor que mi edad. La vida me ha hecho viejo, pero no lo ha tomado mi sonrisa.

Es casi mi cumpleaños/It's almost my birthday

It's almost my birthday. I'll be 26 on Wednesday. I can't believe how old I've gotten in such a short time. I can still remember moving to Missouri in 8th grade and the schools I went to. I remember going to my first week of college. I remember my first trip to Mexico as a freshmen in college. I remember when my sister was not married. I remember all the times with friends in High School. I remember getting my driver's license. I remember all the different people that have lived with my family. I remember rebelling against God and people...I remember finding love through tears one evening in High School. It all seems so recent. Yet, I'm 26 on Wednesday. I cannot say I am still a child. I am not a child.
I was talking to some of the Mexican staff here the other day. How I'm only going to be 26 in age, which is young, but my mind and thinkings are like that of a 30-45 year old. I have been molded and forced to think much older than I am. Life has aged me more than most people my age. I didn't really intend it to happen and I consistently wish I could think differently, more like a child. I just...can't. That is ok, this is who I have become and I will continue to change.
I am looking forward to my future. I dunno what is going to happen. I'm not trying to control it all anymore. I'm living and loving it. Life is good. I thank God for putting me through a life of Hell so I could come out as strong as I am. As grounded as I am. I am unable to deny God because of how hard I tried to disprove Him and run away...He is. My future will consist of two things: Loving God and loving people. That is my future and the future is bright.
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Es casi mi cumpleaños. Voy a ser el miércoles 26. No puedo creer la edad que he conseguido en tan poco tiempo. Todavía me acuerdo de trasladarse a Missouri en el grado 8 y las escuelas que fui a. Recuerdo que fui a mi primera semana de la universidad. Recuerdo mi primer viaje a México como estudiantes de primer año en la universidad. Recuerdo que cuando mi hermana no estaba casada. Me acuerdo de todos los tiempos con los amigos en la escuela secundaria. Recuerdo que recibí mi licencia de conducir. Recuerdo todas las diferentes personas que han vivido con mi familia. Me acuerdo de rebelarse contra Dios y la gente ... Me acuerdo de encontrar el amor a través de las lágrimas, una tarde en la escuela secundaria. Todo parece tan reciente. Sin embargo, tengo 26 el miércoles. No puedo decir que soy todavía un niño. Yo no soy un niño.
Yo estaba hablando con algunos de los funcionarios mexicanos aquí el otro día. Yo sólo voy a ser de 26 de edad, que es joven, pero mi mente y pensamientos son como la de un año de edad 30-45. He sido moldeada y obligado a pensar mucho mayor que yo. La vida me ha envejecido más que la mayoría de la gente de mi edad. En realidad no me lo quiere pasar y yo siempre deseo que podría pensar de manera diferente, más como un niño. Pensé que ... no puedo. Eso está bien, esto es lo que me he convertido y seguirá cambiando.
Espero que mi futuro. No sé qué va a pasar. No estoy tratando de controlarlo todo ya. Estoy viviendo y me encanta. La vida es buena. Doy gracias a Dios por ponerme a través de una vida de infierno para que yo pudiera salir tan fuerte como yo. Como tierra como yo. No puedo negar a Dios, porque de lo duro que traté de desmentir y salir corriendo ... Él es. Mi futuro estará formado por dos cosas: Amar a Dios y amar a la gente. Ese es mi futuro y el futuro es brillante.

Por Supuesto

El timbre en mi casa está molestado a veces. Solo un pensamiento. No tengo mucho a decir. Estoy contento ahora. Excepto, hay mosquitos en mi cuarto. NO me gustan...voy a pasar tiempo con una amiga en Jueves. Estoy emocional acerca de esto. Espero tendramos un buen tiempo. Solo vamos a caminar y hablar...pienso. :-)

The doorbell in my house is annoying sometimes. Just a thought. I don't have much to say. I'm pretty content right now. Except, there are mosquitoes in my room. I don't like them. I'm gonna hang out with a friend on Thursday. I'm excited about it. I hope she and I have a good time. WE are just gonna walk and talk...I think. :-)